WTF (did I just watch)? Friday...9/5/2014

Have you seen this movie?

It's Into the Night from 1985.  I got the DVD through Netflix because it looked interesting

What's it about? Well, a schmuck is stuck in a rut so big he can't sleep. Taking advice from a friend, he sneaks out on his wife (whom he caught cheating yet does nothing about) in the middle of the night to catch a plane to Vegas...only he never makes it. A woman running for her life literally lands on his car asking for help. He does, and gets caught up in a plot about smuggled Iranian (yes, you read that right - Iranian) jewels and a crew of murderous baddies out to get the gems back.

Did I mention this is a comedy?

Now hang on, 'cause it gets weirder.

Into the Night stars Jeff Goldblum - next seen in Silverado - as the schmuck, and Michelle "post-Scarface, pre-Ladyhawke" Pfeiffer as the woman, but it also has...

...Dan Aykroyd as the friend,

...Bruce McGill (that's right, D-Day) as Pfeiffer's Elvis-impersonator brother,

...David Cronenberg (director of Scanners, Videodrome, The Dead Zone and others) as Goldblum and Aykroyd's boss,

...Rick "Make-Up Genius" Baker as a drug dealer,

...Lawrence Kasdan (among other things, screenwriter of Raiders, Empire, and Jedi) as a police detective,

... and Jonathan "I directed Silence of the Lambs dammit" Demme as a federal agent.

I KNOW!!! 

But it gets even stranger.

I haven't mentioned the bad guys yet. 

There's the professional killer who happens to be British. Yeah, that's David Bowie...before he was Jareth the Goblin King.

Then there's the four Iranians hunting for the gems. Three of whom shout (Iranian I guess?) stuff throughout the movie while killing people left and right. But who's that fourth guy? The one wearing glasses that doesn't say a word for the entire film? Oh, it's just John Landis - the director of this film!

And let's not forget the guy in the hotel lobby using the telephone...is that Jim Henson? 

Why yes, yes it is.

Don't get me wrong. This movie is bad. Not "let's make fun of how bad it is" bad, but "the editor was asleep at the machine because it's that bad" bad. This film is just shy of two hours long and could easily have been cut to 89 minutes without losing any story. The plot creeps along at a snail's pace. 

And it gets...even more bizarre.

The disc has a bonus feature (and I'm all about the bonus features) which is, essentially, a documentary on legendary blues musician B.B. King. Why B.B. King? Because he performs the title song, was influential to the rest of the soundtrack, and has Landis as a fan. So we learn about King's youth and how he became the legend he is, as well as how Landis managed to get him involved with the project. All well and good.

However...

...the documentary begins with King performing "Lucille" live on stage in what I guess is a bar/dance club. This has nothing to do with the movie - in fact King never appears in it at all - but five seconds in, you'd think it was.

Why you may ask? Well let me tell you.

King isn't alone on the stage (which has a red-orange curtain backdrop and pink carpet). He's got a band. And everyone's wearing mid-1980's tuxedos with bright blue sequined jackets. 

Here's the line-up:

On piano, we have...Jeff Goldblum, who I wasn't aware could even play the piano. But his presence makes at least some sense - he's in the movie.

On saxophone, we have...Michelle Pfeiffer, who by the way can clearly not play the saxophone. But that's alright, 'cause she's got help.

There's Dan Aykroyd on trombone. Can he play the trombone? Who knows. But again, he's in the film and a well-known lover of the Blues so I'll let that slide.

Who's that on trumpet? Why that's Steve Martin. Not on banjo, which I know he can play, but the trumpet.

Then there's the topper...Eddie Murphy on drums.

W...T...F...?

No Landis, DON'T have Bowie perform on stage with King (which would have been awesome), just use people who either have nothing to do with the movie whatsoever or aren't even musicians (with the possible exception of Aykryod...possibly) to just PRETEND to play along with King.

(sigh...)