Saturday, September 13, 2014

Okay CinemaSins...we need to talk.

Yesterday, I talked about the awesomeness that is CinemaSins.
It's cool to watch fellow dorks trash talk movies we all know suck, or at the very least have some degree of suckage. But it's a challenge to accept "sins" on film favorites. There's a reason they haven't done Star Wars yet...right?
Here's what I mean:
As much as I love this film, Iron Man has it's flaws - which I'm comfortable with. But their EWW video irked me. So in an attempt at healthy debate, I offer my "No-Prize" style response to their list of sins.
The video:
The rebuttal:
1) I'll give you that one... (sin)
2) The soldier's body slowed the shrapnel enough for gravity to take over after hitting the Humvee.
3) Would you have preferred Wood Vs. Metal?
4) Actually no - Marvel Studios just couldn't afford Roger back in 2008.
5) Anyone seeing a movie about Iron Man without knowing anything about Iron Man needs the heads up.
6) Thank you for pointing that out. It's been bugging me for years. (sin)
7) Is that a Swingers reference? 'Cause I never saw it.
8) It's what happened in the car for three-plus hours that matter. Not only that...doesn't Tony have a plane?
9) That's just RDJ on his way to the bank.
10) You get that one too. (sin)
11) Calling Gwyneth a sin is a sin against you.
12) No, she saw the video J.A.R.V.I.S. posted online.
13) But a WONDERFUL date.
14) Because nothing beats homemade.
15) That blue glow? It's just the prototype - to make sure Yinsen knows how big to make the hole. No? Maybe a faulty wire from the car battery hook-up? Let's move on... (sin)
16) Yes.
17) Well, free-range Tonys build better weapons.
18) Grim Reaper won't appear until Iron Man 6, right after Grey Gargoyle and Mandarin...wait.
19) If you can make a miniature arc reactor in a cave with a bunch of scraps, you can make anything.
20) Because seeing is believing.
21) Well yeah, but with a deadline. Besides they can get it done faster if both of them are able work. Otherwise, a lot of time would be wasted coming up with some sort of sign language.
22) Dude, they know where the camera is. I'm sure Tony's standing in front of it.
23) Can they get TWC in a cave?
24) These are machine guns. Fully automatic machine guns. If one of these guys had a Winchester, I'd agree with you.
25) I'd be more concerned with wind in my eyes than possible flame, but wouldn't Tony have thought of that? And added drop shields or something?
26) Two words: Drive. Thru.
27) When The Dude shows up. NO ONE sits.
28) Well look at him. Do you think he uses a treadmill?
29) The only reason Pepper's in this scene is because Tony's hands were too big. Since Tony's math is supposed to be "always right", I'll concede this as a sin - Tony should have planned better. As for the magnet, considering Tony's personality and the way Pepper connects the upgrade, it was obsolete anyway. (sin)
30) I'm sure that exo-skeleton thing he's wearing absorbed and/or deflected most of the damage.
31) If you think that is the exact same cup of coffee, then Pepper's not doing her job. She's replaced it several times.
32) That's not a sin...that's euphoria.
33) Tony was "laying low", and Pepper isn't authorized to attend any board meetings...secret or otherwise.
34) It's possible the guys in the tank can neither aim nor arm their weapons.
35) They could have decided not to speak English simply to keep Tony in the dark, saving the English for when they talk with Obadiah.
36) Who says it won't show up again in Avengers 3?
37) That stings...you're not wrong, but OUCH! (sin)
38) Well, he's going into cardiac arrest. Clearly, he's just not thinking straight.
39) Well for one thing, he'd need a phone. There's one in the suit, right?
40) ANOTHER ouch. (sin)
41) His suit needed time to power up.
42) I'm sure J.A.R.V.I.S. told him it was empty.
43) Yes...because you can.
44) Are you kidding? Those meat hooks would crush the thing!
45) Okay, that counts. (sin)
46) I'd call that a win, not a sin.
47) The Elf guy.
48) Again, Win.
BONUS SINS - sins that weren't mentioned but should count.
A) Is it Section 13 or Sector 13?
B) Did The Dude just double-dog dare Ralphie to "make it smaller"?
C) You never mentioned Pepper's high-heels, which could NOT handle that catwalk.

My Sin Tally...11
Like I said Iron Man isn't perfect, but then again - no movie is without sin.

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