X-O Manowar Part 8: Unity #0 (August, 1992)

Unity begins and Aric, of course, is involved…

I have this issue in the Unity Saga Vol. 1 Trade Paperback.

Aric arrives outside a phone booth near Holden, Utah (along with the kids of Harbinger) thanks to Geoff McHenry - this generation’s Geomancer. He witnesses another man appear within the telephone booth and, along with even more people, winds up in a very strange place about to be attacked by an army of creatures and machines.

Notes of Interest:

1) Aric appears for less than ten panels in the second half of the issue. We have no idea how he meets Geoff, or how he handles seeing Sting and the others again.

2) The man appearing in the phone booth is Gilad the Eternal Warrior, whom Aric meets for the first time this issue.

3) Aric (as always) is ready for a fight.

4) The strange place Aric and the others find themselves in is the Lost Land, where Mothergod works towards resetting the universe.

WTF? Moment: When Gilad yells at Geoff, Aric threatens to cut the Eternal Warrior in half. Considering the loyalty issues Aric’s been dealing with lately, how could he be prepared to protect the boy to the point of killing a complete stranger so quickly?

Ladies and Gentlemen..."Weird Al" Yankovic

I had the joy of introducing my daughter to the certified genius that is "Weird Al" Yankovic not too long ago.

When I use the words "certified genius" and "Weird Al" in the same sentence, people like my wife look at me sideways.

To all of those people, I submit the following...

This is the video to his song "Polka Face" which is a medley of over 14 different songs from artists including Lady Gaga, Lady Antebellum, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Pink all set to a traditional Polka song. It was released on his Alpocalypse album in 2011 and is yet another masterpiece.

In fact, just recently I caught my daughter singing "Eat It".

The interesting thing? I never showed her that video. Hmmmmmm....

By the way, I'm still waiting for the Glee tribute episode...

Hunger Games vs. Game of Thrones vs. John Carter...

I'm old.

Or maybe just too set in my ways to change.

I can't believe The Hunger Games makes a ton of money while John Carter is now called the biggest movie bomb of all time.

How is this possible?

Some may say "It's the story", and I'd accept that...if it weren't for the fact that John Carter of Mars came out in novel form roughly 90 years ago versus The Hunger Games that came out around 2007.

And don't tell me "Special Effects" because I call B. S. on that. There's no question John Carter has more.

"Okay, how about the 'we've seen it all before' argument?"

So you're telling me that thanks to James "f**king" Cameron, there's no longer a market for high budget science fiction films (loosely based on a Disney film btw) but there's a HUGE market for Twilight-like angst that's been parodied everywhere from SNL to Youtube (with a bit of The Running Man thrown in btw)?

Never mind the fact that the book was written to cash in on the Twilight reading market in the first place?

I'll give you the marketing angle. Disney totally screwed the pooch on that one. The Hunger Games was promoted exactly for what it is, while John Carter ads had different tones, themes and even titles.

I'll probably end up seeing both when they're available of Netflix, but I have to save my cash for The Avengers.

As for Game of Thrones, it looks to me like Conan the Barbarian meets Lord of the Rings with a little Walking Dead mixed in. My wife has started reading the books, and loves them. Just like she loves the LotR books...which I have yet to read.

Both GoT and LotR have a shit ton of characters, and I know I'll never be able to tell them apart.

"But aren't there a lot of characters in The Avengers and comics in general?"

Yes, there are. And they all have costumes...with colors in them...that make them easily identifiable. In every clip of GoT I've seen, all the men wear leather, all the women have their hair tied up tight, and all the kids sound whiny and annoying. The only character that stands out is the dwarf...who's name I can't remember but the actor is dead-on to play Puck in the eventual Alpha Flight Marvel Studios film.

But as before, I'll probably watch the show when I have access to it, but I'm going to need a lot of help keeping track of it all.

I have read The Hobbit though, several times in fact and I love it. THAT is a movie I also can't wait to see...

Maybe I'm not old, just more Bilbo-y than I used to be.

X-O Manowar Part 7: X-O Manowar #6 (July, 1992)

Aric proves it’s not the armor that makes the warrior, but the man inside it.

I have this issue.

Aric dons his X-O Manowar armor and fights the bandit who stole it and kidnapped Ken. Unfortunately, the bandit has an X-O armor of his own. The Good-Skin tells Aric that his enemy has the ability to talk to computers, and is hampering the Good-Skin’s usefulness. The battle rages from air to sea and (finally) to land as Aric fights both the bandit and his armor until eventually, the Good-Skin becomes immobilized and unresponsive. Aric simply removes the Good-Skin and proceeds to break his enemy’s armor apart with an axe. Totally overmatched, the bandit is defeated and Ken is set free.

Aware of Ken’s treachery, Aric decides to follow the bandit’s example of forced loyalty and has the Good-Skin create and attach an artificial hand onto Ken’s arm. This allows the Good-Skin…and Aric…to keep aware of Ken’s activities, and will kill him if he betrays Aric or the armor again.

Notes of Interest:

1) This issue takes place immediately after X-O Manowar #5.

2) Aric accepts that Ken’s been less than loyal ever since they met.

3) He also acknowledges that the Good-Skin is intelligent, and trusts it more than anything else, however…

4) …Aric sees the armor as a weapon for battle. What this means is he doesn’t rely on it to make him a better warrior.

5) We also see a more ruthless side of Aric we’ve never seen before. What he does to Ken is something you’d expect the hard-skins to do, but it makes total sense.

WTF? Moment: Did anyone else get the joke where Aric defeats Ax…with an axe?

WTF? Moment #2: There’s also a subtle jab at DC when Aric finds the axe. He says “Ah! Here’s a warrior’s weapon!” while holding the axe in his right hand (which his X-O ring is on), and there’s a lantern sitting right in front of him.

X-O Manowar Part 6: X-O Manowar #5 (June, 1992)

In this issue, Aric learns English…and History…and Social Studies…and Science…

I have this issue.

Aric makes good on his vow to kill all Hard-Skins when he destroys an underground base in Maine. He returns to Orb Industries HQ in time to attend the first meeting with Orb’s Executive Staff since the takeover only to leave immediately after it ends. He tells K’nn he wants to go home and be among his people. K’nn tires to explain why he can’t, but Aric doesn’t understand and is tired of waiting. Frustrated, Aric heads to “Central Forest” (Central Park) to blow off steam…without the X-O armor.

He returns hours later, carrying a “bandit’s” head with him, to find K’nn holding a fire-light maker on the other side of the door. K’nn tells him that chopping people’s heads off isn’t done anymore and Aric loses his temper once again over not being able to understand things. Enraged, Aric dons the Good-Skin, finds some privacy and asks the Good-Skin to help him understand – which it does.

The X-O armor teaches him everything it knows about everything. Some of it Aric gets right away, some is hard for him to accept, and some of it Aric flat out refuses to believe. Calling the armor a liar for telling him his people are no more, Aric leaves the suit behind again and heads somewhere he can feel a bit at home to sit and think…a topless bar, where he meets a dancer named Lauren who starts talking with him about Visigoths, his Uncle Alaric and stars being suns. Aric leaves the bar and wanders into Times Square where he decides that since his world is no more, he’ll take the one he’s in.

Aric uses the ring to call the armor, but it doesn’t come. Aric then tells the ring to lead him to it, and he finds it at the Plaza Hotel along with Ken who was also taken prisoner. Aric frees the armor from its bonds, dons it and turns his attention on the bandits who stole it.

Notes of Interest:

1) The bandit that stole the X-O is Ax, who Aric meets for the first time.

2) Aric’s intelligence is highlighted again as he absorbs a vast amount of information in a relatively short period of time. He has a hard time accepting his people are gone, sixteen hundred years have passed and that stars are suns a great distance away. He doesn’t at all agree with the armor saying Ken tried to betray him or that Lugh doesn’t exist. He does, however, pick up English just fine and understands how people of this time and this place behave.

3) His adaptability shines here too. He takes Ken’s advice about “not knowing what’s on the other side of the door” and it saves his life. He also tells the ring to take him to the armor, after the armor doesn’t come to him.

WTF? Moment: Don’t you just love how Aric finds solace in a topless bar? Let’s see – alcohol…check, beautiful dancing women…check. All that’s missing is senseless violence and he would have been right at home, although I guess there could be a boxing match on a television somewhere. Plus, the comparison he makes between beer and mead is hilarious.

X-O Manowar Part 5: X-O Manowar #4 (May, 1992)

A wizard becomes an emperor in Aric’s eyes, and he encounters more of the gifted of the Valiant Universe.

I have this issue in the X-O Manowar: Retribution Trade Paperback.

Aric learns of Toyo Harada, and that he was behind Sniper’s attack. Harada, realizing that his assumption of the X-O Manowar armor being in possession of a Spider-Alien was incorrect, contacts Aric and Ken on a “table window” (laptop) to make peace and invites Aric to meet him in New Orleans. Aric quickly agrees once he sees that Mardi Gras is in full swing. K’nn warns him that Harada is dangerous, but Aric fears nothing while he has the Good-Skin.

K’nn and Aric arrive in “Nawlins” and meet with Harada. Aric senses that Harada is a powerful emperor, and agrees not to be enemies. With business concluded, Harada takes them to a nearby jazz club where Aric takes in the local music…and liquor.

As the three of them leave the club, they are attacked by four young “wizard-bandits”. Aric attempts to fight them, but the drinks have a stronger effect on him that he thought. He dons the Good-Skin and does enough damage to fend them off. Harada expresses his thanks to Aric and leaves. Aric gives K’nn the Good-Skin and goes off in search of “womens” at Mardi Gras.

Notes of Interest:

1) I’ll start with the obvious – Aric meets Harada for the first time this issue.

2) The “wizard-bandits” are Sting, Flamingo, Zephyr and Torque – also known as Harbinger…who Aric also meets for the first time this issue.

3) We learn that the X-O armor somehow helps Aric recover from the effects of alcohol.

4) The armor is useless against Sting’s telekinesis but it does prevent him from reading Aric’s mind because, as Sting says, “it’s like there are TWO people in there!”

5) Jack Boniface makes a cameo at the jazz club, and so does Lydia – last seen in X-O Manowar #2.

WTF? Moment: Look – I’ve had both this issue and Shadowman #1 for over fifteen years. I knew going into prepping for this review that Jack was playing at the club. I was surprised, however, to see that the woman from Shadowman #1 was also in the audience. But what really floored me? SHE’S THE SAME F**KING WOMAN THAT ARIC STABBED IN X-O MANOWAR #2!!! Talk about a WTF moment…

X-O Manowar Part 4: X-O Manowar #3 (April, 1992)

Aric faces wizards and bandits as he learns more about his new home. Meanwhile, another wizard watches…

I have this issue in the X-O Manowar: Retribution Trade Paperback.

After spending some time learning some English from a preschool book, Aric enters a room to find Solar touching his Good-Skin (that came out a little dirtier than I meant it to). Solar speaks to him, but Aric can’t understand what the wizard in red is saying. Solar disappears and Aric chases after him.

He doesn’t find Solar of course, but Aric does find a great forest in the middle of all the castles which reminds him of home (Central Park). Aric removes the Good-Skin to be more comfortable when he’s confronted by ten thugs. He kills all of them, without using the Good-Skin, and then dons the armor and tries to find his way back to his castle when he’s hit from behind.

The bandit/wizard responsible manages to knock him into a building before Aric gains the upper hand, but when he hears K’nn’s voice, Aric realizes the villagers around him are getting hurt in the crossfire. He tells the bandit/wizard to follow him to the great forest where they can continue the battle, but gets knocked around again. Things turn really ugly when the bandit/wizard actually breaks the Good-Skin, and Aric crushes his enemy’s arms. Despite wanting more battle, Aric takes K’nn back to their castle.

Notes of Interest:

1) The “bandit/wizard” is Sniper - a Soviet assassin hired by Toyo Harada - to kill what Harada thought was another Spider-Alien threat.

2) Harada was watching the battle through Sniper’s eyes and was shocked when Aric tried to continue the battle away from bystanders, thus proving Harada’s initial opinion incorrect.

3) Aric’s language barrier continues to be a problem, but his desire to communicate is stronger than ever as shown by his desire to insult Sniper’s mother.

4) Sniper was originally called X-Caliber in the first printing of this issue. The name was changed in subsequent reprints following a lawsuit from Marvel.

5) Religion is brought up again as Aric talks to the armor as though it was both a gift from Lugh and a means to talk to Lugh. When the armor gets damaged Aric hears screams of agony, but dismisses them, since a gift from a god can’t know pain.

6) This is the first time Aric actually meets Solar.

WTF? Moment: I guess my concerns over Aric getting naked in the cold are unwarranted, since it’s explained here that he’s used to the cold and finds it comfortable.

X-O Manowar Part 3: Solar, Man of the Atom #8 (April, 1992)

Aric becomes a thorn in someone’s side…

I have this issue.

Toyo Harada is having a meeting where he's brought up to speed with various goings on throughout the world, and someone begins talking about the Spider-Alien situation. It seems they have abandoned all of their strongholds and vanished.

Some of Harada's men were dispatched to investigate the remains of a base in east Peru that was destroyed not too long ago, and footage is revealed of Aric doing the same at another base in Pennsylvania. More footage shows Aric beginning his assault on the Chrysler Building, and intelligence suggests that he remains inside.

Harada orders a freelancer to be hired to flush Aric out of the Aliens’ operations center. He doesn’t mention a name, but describes the mercenary as “that lunatic with guns built into his arm...”, and moves on to other business.

Notes of Interest:

1) We learn that Aric destroyed the base in Peru near the end of March, 1991.

2) He stormed the Chrysler Building and defeated the Spider-Aliens on the morning of New Year’s Eve, 1991.

3) Harada is very interested in the gaining control of the Aliens’ operations center.

4) Apparently Harada knows nothing about Aric, his history or where he came from, or the X-O Manowar armor.

WTF? Moment: Two panels. That’s how much we see of Aric this issue and they’re just to recap his last two appearances. That makes this issue barely worth mentioning except for the fact that it makes a connection between Aric’s previous appearance and his next one.

X-O Manowar Part 2: X-O Manowar #2 (March, 1992)

Aric crushes his enemies, and learns some English.

I have this issue in the X-O Manowar: Retribution Trade Paperback.

Aric has been battling hard-skins relentlessly while continuing north, encountering Wolf-Class X-O armor along the way. He collects K’nn, and together make their way to K’nn’s “queen’s castle” (doctor’s house) where Aric eats as K’nn plans their next move against the hard-skins – who attack the house. Aric makes short work of the invaders, but K’nn is taken. Giving K’nn up as lost, Aric does what he can to help the queen deal with the dead before moving on. After a nap and more food, Aric prepares to finish destroying the hard-skins.

During his onslaught of another of hard-skins’ locations, Aric hears his name spoken aloud in a voice different from the one he usually hears in his head while wearing the Good-Skin. He assumes the voice belongs to Lugh, his god, as only He would know Aric’s name and be able to speak in a variety of ways…including one without words Aric can only hear through the Good-Skin.

He finally arrives at his destination; a tower containing the king of his enemies within. He tears through the elite guards, and makes his way to the top where he kills the king and takes the dead ruler’s scepter as his own. Accepting the surrender of his enemies, Aric sends them away to find K’nn and focuses his attention on a woman offering herself to him. He sends her away as well, but she returns offering to bathe him. He accepts and takes the Good-Skin off. As she speaks to him in a language he still can’t understand, Aric recognizes his name as she says it. Realizing that only Lugh would know his name, and that this woman was with the hard-skins making her untrustworthy, Aric kills the woman and learns that she was one of the hard-skins in disguise.

Using the Good-Skin to help him protect himself from further hard-skin attacks, Aric learns that K’nn is alive within the tower and manages to let him know that Aric rules all.

Notes of Interest:

1) This is the first time Aric faces off against Wolf-Class X-O armor, and despite there being a highly-trained hard-skin inside it, Aric the Barbarian manages to defeat it.

2) We learn that Aric was the first human taken by the Spider-Aliens and was held in suspension for most of that time.

3) Aric finds smoking “stupid”.

4) Aric understands that wearing the Good-Skin allows him to understand others better; he just credits that to the great god Lugh.

5) The first English word Aric learns is “housebroken”.

WTF? Moment: I don’t know much about Visigoth culture, but Aric seems to hold manners very highly, whether it’s by burning dead bodies in a queen’s home or giving a limbless warrior the gift of death. However, Aric has no problem taking a queen’s letter opener without asking first.

WTF? Moment #2: I like the use of the letter opener here. It reminds Aric of home, is extremely low-tech and therefore completely unnecessary, yet it saves Aric’s life.

WTF? Moment #3: I’m still uncertain exactly how long Aric thinks he’s been a prisoner. In both this and the previous issue, Aric mentions it as being “ten suns”. Aristidies says in passing that Aric “probably thinks that only a few years have passed…” To me, a “sun” equals a day. If Aric had said that it’s been ten winters since he’s been with a woman, then I would think he meant years. I could be wrong, but that’s where I stand.

WTF? Moment #4: In the scene where Aric gets breakfast before continuing to New York, it looks to me like Aric scared the bird away from its nest. I know he’s got the letter opener in his hand, and the bird looks like it could be dead, but there’s no blood on either the bird or the blade.

WTF? Moment #5: Okay…Aric knows that the Good-Skin talks to him without the use of words. He also knows that the Good-Skin listens to him without his needing to use words. With Aric’s growing understanding of what the Good-Skin can actually do, it’s interesting to see him continually work Lugh into things. In this issue, Aric sees the Good-Skin as both a gift from Lugh and a way for Lugh to communicate to him.

"The Excelsior Acquisition"

I only recently saw the Big Bang Theory episode (thank you Netflix).

When I saw the title on the disc I knew what it entailed, because there's only one man on this Earth that could make the word Excelsior cool... 

Stan the Man.

The guys are off to a signing with "The Man" and discuss which issue(s) to bring, and that got me thinking: 

Taking into consideration all the variables involved for such an opportunity to occur, if I found myself standing at his table with just enough time for him to sign one thing, what would it be?

I would go with something different, something unexpected. Not a Batman comic like they discuss on the show...but definitely something outside the box...

...and then it hit me...

why not an actual comic box?

It could be damaged, but so could an actual comic.

Maybe a simple white backing board, that could then be placed in mylar?

Now we're talking!

In fact, that may just be the best thing to have anyone sign. They're small, and less likely to draw negative attention from others in line - imagine holding a comic box at a signing with thirty-plus people behind you...

Artists could even draw right on them! Then they could be safely tucked away within your runs.

Perfect! Now, if I could just get Stan Lee's address...

So...Peyton Manning...(Part 2)...

I understand why the guy is leaving Indy, and wants the best deal he can get, but after many reports of his intention to "move to warmer climates" he's decided to go to Denver?

Denver? Really?

I wasn't aware that Mile High Stadium was subject to 80 degree weather year round...

So instead of being "Peyton Manning, one of the best QB's of all time", he's planning on being the next John Elway?

And poor Tim Tebow.

Like him or hate him, he wasn't a bad QB for the Broncos. He's just getting started.

But now he'll be playing somewhere else. Maybe even New England, which I'm okay with.

So what does this mean for me? I've always seen the guy as the antithesis to Brady, and my hatred for the Colts has been on principle, but Peyton the man is (unfortunately) rather likeable. His commercials are funny, and he promotes the NFL, so he can't be all bad...right?

X-O Manowar Part 1: X-O Manowar #1 (February, 1992)

Aric finds freedom from his Spider-Alien captors with the help of a Map-Giver and a Good-Skin.

I have this issue in the X-O Manowar: Retribution Trade Paperback.

We meet Aric of Dacia as he attempts to escape from what turns out to be an alien spaceship. His plan: to find a thing he can use as a weapon against the “hard-skins” (Spider-Aliens) located in a room he has to get to by using a map carved into his hand. Aric makes it to the room and finds the thing…an object too heavy to wield and not sharp enough to use.

Faced with oncoming hard-skins, Aric does the only thing he can – pull on the ring the Map-Giver told him about. When he does, the thing surrounds his body and protects him from their “fire-light” (laserfire). Realizing the thing in his possession is a “good-skin”, Aric tears the ship apart, killing every hard-skin in his way. The spaceship explodes, and Aric crash lands in Peru. He takes off the Good-Skin and wanders to the nearest village, where he finds food, shelter, friends and a potential mate in a young woman named M’rrha (Maria).

Aric is invited to visit the local town and accepts hoping he’ll find a wizard who can help him find his way home. He spends half the day looking for a wizard without success when someone from his village finds Aric and tells him there’s trouble. Aric runs back to the village but arrives too late to save anyone or fight any hard-skins. He finds M”rrha’s head on a pike and gets a message from the hard-skins telling him that they have the armor, and want him to leave the ring behind and walk away. Seeing this as proof that the hard-skins fear him, Aric leaves the village and heads north, the direction the Good-Skin tells him it is located.

On his journey, Aric kills several hard-skins using modern weaponry (guns), but gets ambushed in another city and is bitten. The good news is that the bite isn’t lethal. The bad news is that he’s wounded. Fortunately he meets K’nn (Ken); a man Aric is convinced is a wizard because he bandages Aric’s wound and gives him a place to sleep. The next day, K’nn and Aric fly to New York and are ambushed by an army of hard-skins soon after they land. Aric gets pinned down, and calls for the Good-Skin to come to him…which it does. Reunited, they make short work of the hard-skin army, and Aric comes to realize that they are no match for him and his Good-Skin.

Notes of Interest:

1) This is Aric’s true first appearance.

2) Aric has an aptitude for learning languages. During his time as a prisoner, he learned some of the Spider-Aliens’ language. He also picked up some of Maria’s language during his short time in Peru, and could tell differences between the languages of the two hookers.

3) This is not the first time Aric attempted to escape, but he succeeds here in part because the Spider-Aliens are distracted by something else happening outside the ship.

4) Aric understands homosexuality and can tell Ken is one, but it doesn’t bother him because they “make good wizards”.

5) He loves weapons and battle, but hates guns.

6) He hates cities, but seems comfortable in airplanes.

7) Aric never shaved his beard in his life until Ken does it to help disguise him on their way to New York, which means Aric let Ken shave his beard.

8) He’s very loyal, saving Ken’s life and fighting to protect him during the battle at the airport simply for helping him get there.

9) While Aric is quick to learn things, the X-O Armor doesn’t come with a manual, so he struggles to get it to do what he wants.

10) For the whole issue, Aric believes he’s only been held captive for ten days and yet…

WTF? Moment: …Aric assumes he’s on his home planet. He was so focused on destroying the ship that he never realized he was in space. Once the ship was destroyed, the X-O Armor put him on the closest planet because he told it to, and it just happened to be Earth. It was blind luck that Aric wasn’t halfway across the galaxy when he escaped.

WTF? Moment #2: Why does Aric ditch the armor when he lands? He walks off in snow, naked, heading in some direction. Was he in shock from the battle? No, because he’s been in many battles by this point, this was just one of a different type. Was he in shock from the entire alien experience? Maybe. He kept it together while on the ship, and once he was on solid ground again he could have felt overwhelmed. But he must have been cold…cold enough to need the Good-Skin for warmth if nothing else.

WTF? Moment #3: This is the first Valiant comic I ever read and I love everything about it. The Windsor-Smith/Layton/Holdredge art, plus the added goodness of Shooter’s overall attempt to recreate Stan Lee’s success at Marvel by having one guy write every title so they all share the same tone. This issue didn’t just make me an X-O Manowar fan; it made me a Valiant Comics fan.

WTF? Moment #4: My only complaint is that I can’t read Spanish…despite a whole year of it back in middle school and a semester of it in college. I have no idea what’s said during Aric’s time in Peru and I’m too damn lazy to buy a Spanish-English dictionary.

X-O Manowar Part 0: X-O Manowar #0 (August, 1993)

We learn about Aric’s life before he took possession of the X-O armor.

I have this issue.

It’s 399 A.D., and in the Province of Dacia in Southern Europe, we find Aric, a boy, watching his father finish making a great sword intended for Alaric, leader of the tribe and Aric’s uncle. Romans attack the village, and Aric witnesses the deaths of both of his parents. Enraged, Aric picks up his father’s sword and kills his first Roman – his father’s murderer – and vows to kill all Romans.

Years later, 408 A.D. in fact, Aric is in Northern Italy on a supply raid led by his uncle when he finds a Roman temple. Believing it to be full of riches that can be sold for supplies, Aric enters to find a young slave woman about to be killed by a Roman captain. Aric kills the captain, as well as the priest in charge of the temple, and takes the slave as his captive. He learns that her name is Deidre from Brittany, and was taken prisoner by the Romans two years earlier. She tells Aric that she is in his debt and offers herself as payment…which Aric accepts.

Aric later joins with Deidre in the eyes of Lugh, Deidre’s god, in part to remove himself further from the Romans who believe in the same god the Goths worship. Several months later, Aric is on night patrol, protecting the camp from Romans, when he comes upon a group of demons feeding on his some of his people. Aric attacks, and managed to kill one of them before getting knocked unconscious and dragged away.

He awakens to find himself a prisoner of what he calls Hard-Skins. While working at a slave labor camp, Aric meets another slave, speaking to him in Goth, who calls himself the Map-Giver. The two finish their work together as the Map-Giver tells Aric about an ultimate weapon that could bring destruction to the Hard-Skins. Aric tells him that if shown the way, he would get to the weapon and make the Hard-Skins pay. Not long afterwards, the Map-Giver carves the location of the weapon into Aric’s right hand.

A Hard-Skin arrives and tells Aric that he is to be fed to the First-Among-Equals, but as Aric is dragged away, there’s an explosion as the Hard-Skins fall under attack. Using the confusion to his advantage, Aric follows the map he was given and reaches his destination. He pulls the ring the Map-Giver described and finds himself covered by a good skin able to protect him from the Hard-Skins’ fire-light. Aric uses the Good-Skin to destroy the Hard-Skin’s house and return home.

Notes of Interest:

1) This issue was written as a prelude to, and published eighteen months after, X-O Manowar #1.

2) The last few pages depict the same events from X-O Manowar #1 in a somewhat different way.

3) Aric kills his first Roman the very first time he picks up a sword.

4) We learn that Aric’s hatred of and desire to kill all Hard-Skins is connected to his deep resentment of the Romans.

5) Aric accepts that what he initially thought were demons are actually aliens.

6) His affinity for languages is brought up here as he tries to learn the “damn alien tongue”.

7) We also learn how Aric became a believer in Lugh - an Irish God.

8) And we meet the Map-Giver Aric mentions in X-O Manowar #1, who looks an awful lot like…

WTF? Moment: …Elvis? Really? This would be funny if Aric looked through some old record albums at some point and said “This musician looks strangely familiar…”

WTF? Moment #2: I find it interesting that Aric doesn’t try to communicate with other prisoners. He wants to understand his captors, but isn’t interested in getting an army of fellow slaves together to overthrow them?

WTF? Moment #3: Origin stories are a headache on a good day, especially when they come out after a character’s first appearance. More often than not, the origin is told through flashbacks - meaning the character is telling his story to someone or remembering it. Here, Aric's origin is told as a separate story, placing it before issue #1. I can't call it a WTF appearance and I despise the use of negative numbers, so that's why this is appearance number 0.

So I bought a Blu-ray player...

...and it is awesome! You may wonder why I waited so long to get one, and it's because I have what's known as an "addictive behavior". What this means is that when I get interested in something, I tend to obsess over it to the point of ridiculousness...



This first manifested in middle school, when I had my first real obsession...

By staying quite far behind the technology curve, I greatly reduce my chances of running out and buying every Blu-ray version of every movie I want as quickly as possible...

...which is of great concern to my family, since they'd rather do things like buy appliances, food and clothing and such.

Now - the one issue I have regarding this home-movie experience upgrade doesn't have anything to do with the obscene prices of Blu-ray products...

 

...or the insane modifications of same.

It has to do with the conniving sales practices involved.

Back in the days of VCR's, other than having to choose between VHS or Beta, consumers of such merchandise were provided with everything they needed to do what is now known as"plug and play". Meaning that all the necessary connecting pieces were included.

This was a scam in its own way because not everyone had the same type of television, or access to cable, which meant that not everyone had the proper pieces necessary to connect their brand new equipment to their television - resulting in many a trip to get the necessary adapters...

 

...which we as a buying public accepted because it was understood that not all players were made for all screens...at least not without a little tweaking.

But nowadays, technology is advanced. Upgraded television viewing paraphernalia has become universal in terms of ports and jacks and plugs...

So why don't Blu-ray players come with the goddamn HDMI cable necessary to make it work?

Mine came with audio cables, which is fine, but I have many extras of those already thanks to all the Playstations, DVD players, and VCR's I've bought over the years. I didn't even need to open those.

It even came with batteries for the remote, which is wonderful since I grew up with many a toy where "batteries were not included".

So follow me here - I buy an item that is made for the purpose of watching a movie on my television, and said television is made to work with a Blu-ray player in terms of definition, dimension, ports and jacks. 

Using the included items, I can listen to said movies...

and control which part(s) of the movies I want to watch remotely...

but I can't view the damn thing without shelling out another $19 for the frak'in cable?

W...T...F?

Malcolm Reynolds Part WTF: Serenity: The Shepherd’s Tale (November, 2010)

I have this issue.

This story is obviously about Derrial Book, but Mal does make an appearance…in all of three panels…on a single page. He and Zoe are on Serenity working an arms deal when their contact pulls a gun on her. Mal tackles the guy to the ground while Zoe covers him. Book walks in at this point…and walks right out.

Notes of Interest:

1) Absolutely no character development here, since it’s a flashback memory Book has while he’s dying on Haven, but there’s a conflict…

WTF? Moment: …because according to the story this interaction Book has with Mal takes place two years ago, while the preacher is on Serenity. However, in the film, Mal states that only eight months have passed from when Simon and River boarded Mal’s ship to the events of the movie. And we know Book joined the ship the same day as River and Simon. I consider this a typo, since Joss wrote the film and only outlined this story.

WTF? Moment #2: Other than that, it’s clear that the main part of this story – where Book is shot and dying on Haven - takes place during the film, and Mal arrives in time to speak with him before he passes. But as to the flashback, there’s no frame of reference to tell exactly when Book walks in on the busted arms deal, which is okay, but firmly places this story – in terms of Mal anyway – as a W…T…F.

Malcolm Reynolds Part 23: Serenity (September 30, 2005)

This is going to be a lengthy review, so bear with me…

I have the Single Disc, Widescreen version of the Serenity DVD.

Mal is on the bridge of Serenity with Wash and throws a small fit as a piece of his ship flies off while entering a planet’s atmosphere. After yelling at Wash to land Serenity without crashing her, he works his way through the ship telling a fully armed Jayne to lighten his load and informing Zoe her husband may not be as talented as he once was until he finally reaches the engine room, and gives Kaylee an earful about how if his ship crashes she’d be to blame.

Then he comes across an angry Simon, who’s upset because he doesn’t want Mal to take his sister with them on this job. Mal tells the good doctor that she’s a reader, and sees this as an opportunity for her to start earning her keep. He also tells Simon that since he and his sister have been with them, Mal’s been forced to turn down the occasional good work in order to avoid Alliance intervention. Simon insists she stays aboard, and Mal makes it very clear that he has final say in what does or does not happen on his boat. So River joins Mal, Zoe and Jayne on the mule as they make their way to relieve a town of its monthly Alliance security stipend.

The job starts out fine enough, and Mal starts a discussion with the guard about the type of injury he’d be getting (to justify the robbery) when Jayne starts shouting at him…Reavers are outside. Mal tells the guard to get everyone into the vault and lock it from the inside, and makes a run for the mule with the others. As they head out, one of the men from the bank begs Mal to take him with them, but the mule can’t carry the extra weight so Mal pushes him off. He’s taken by Reavers and Mal shoots him dead.

They get out of town and a Reaver ship chases after them. Jayne gets shot in the leg with a spear-line but Mal shoots it off before they can take him. After some fancy piloting by both Wash and Zoe everyone gets aboard Serenity safely, and after shooting a stowaway Reaver Mal gets a face full of Simon’s fist. The doctor is furious at Mal for putting his sister in harm’s way, and both agree to the siblings leaving the ship once they reach Beaumonde.

Later, Zoe calls Mal on refusing to take the man with them. He argues that the mule would not have handled the weight and she tells him they could have tossed the payload and Mal sets the record straight. Times have been hard lately. No one has been paid in a while, Serenity is falling apart and they’ve got to make good on Fanty and Mingo – who gave Mal the job in the first place – or else they’ve got nowhere else to go.

They touch down on Beaumonde and Mal heads to Fanty and Mingo’s bar to talk business and drop off the money when a fight breaks out. Mal looks over to find River attacking everyone in reach of her. The twins take off with the money and Mal scrambles to get his gun – which is in a locker on the other side of the bar. He grabs his gun and aims it at River to see she’s got a gun too…pointed at him. Simon runs in and shouts something in Chinese, and River collapses. Mal picks her up, takes her back to Serenity, and handcuffs her in her room. Then he confronts Simon, who tells Mal and the rest of the crew that he used a safe word intended to put River to sleep if she gets out of control.

In order to learn more about River, Mal sends a wave to Mr. Universe – a man connected to communication signals all over the ‘verse – who tells him that what set River off was a subliminal message hidden in an advertisement she saw. Plus, the message was sent throughout the verse over the past few weeks by someone high up in the Alliance military.

Needing to rest and refuel, Serenity heads to Haven where Mal and the others are greeted by everyone and Mal meets up with Shepherd Book, who tells him that whoever is after River is running a silent ops mission. They want her, and they want to keep her hid.

The next morning, Mal gets a wave from Inara asking for help with some local trouble. They share some awkward banter and then Mal heads to the bridge where he finds Wash, Zoe, Jayne and Kaylee. Mal thinks it’s a trap, but wants to go anyway, to see who’s behind things. And when he arrives at Inara’s training house…alone…he does. The Operative politely asks Mal to hand River over to him, calling her an albatross he was never meant to carry. Mal, surprisingly, gets the poetic reference and declines the offer. They fight, but Mal and Inara escape and return to Serenity.

They head back to Haven, but along the way River escapes her room and knocks Jayne unconscious. Zoe tells Mal that the girl’s made it to the bridge and sealed herself in. Mal crawls through the vent system and makes it in only to find River pointing yet another gun at him while accessing the main navigation computer. Instead of shooting him, she shows Mal what she was looking for – Miranda – a planet that doesn’t show on any chart. Mal mentions that terra-forming didn’t work there, so it’s uninhabitable, and Zoe shows everyone that it’s surrounded by Reavers.

Once they reach Haven, Mal sees that it was attacked by someone other than Reavers. He finds Book, near death, who tells Mal that he shot down the man that shot him as well as the attacking vessel. He also tells the captain that Mal needs to believe in whatever he believes…and dies. Mal tries to alert everyone who’s ever helped or offered them shelter, but is too late. The Operative got to them first.

Left with nowhere to go, Mal tells all his plan – to get to Miranda, even if it means desecrating Serenity to look like a Reaver ship. His crew starts to argue, and Mal lays down the law: He tells Zoe, Jayne and everyone else that if they’re not going to follow him, they’re free to stay on what’s left of Haven. If they choose to do neither, he will shoot them where they stand.

Everyone follows him, and together make Serenity look Reaver-like enough to make it through to Miranda, which has breathable air, livable cities…and millions of dead people. They find a homing beacon in one of the buildings and it leads them to a video signal explaining what happened here: Scientists created a compound intended to make people live better through less aggression, and after dispersing it throughout the atmosphere almost everyone felt so content they simply stopped doing everything – including eat and breathe. However, an extremely small percentage of the population had the opposite results and became so aggressive they went mad. These were the first Reavers, and that is the secret that the Alliance feared River had in her brain, and why they were after her all this time.

Mal tells everyone he intends to speak for the dead of Miranda, because eventually the Alliance would try something like this again. He’s going to Mr. Universe, so the message can be spread through the whole ‘verse, and asks each of his crew to join him and all of them do.

They send a signal to Mr. Universe to let him know they’re on their way to him, and Zoe mentions that the Alliance will know it too, so Mal comes up with a plan. Serenity leaves Miranda and passes one again through Reaver space. But just before they reach the other side, Mal shoots down a Reaver vessel to get their attention. Wash steps on it, and a Reaver armada follows them…right into an Alliance blockade positioned over Mr. Universe’s planet. Serenity makes it through the surrounding violence, but not alone. A Reaver ship knocks Serenity out of the sky, and Mal jumps into the co-pilot’s seat and helps Wash land in (mostly) one piece. Without warning, a Reaver spear shoots through the bridge and kills Wash – right in front of Mal…and Zoe.

Mal drags her off Serenity as the Reavers continue shooting the ship. They regroup with Jayne, Kaylee, Simon and River at Mr. Universe’s complex, and Zoe agrees to hold their position while Mal gets the message to Mr. Universe.

He makes it to the main computer center to find Mr. Universe dead and the network destroyed, but Mr. Universe left a message for him, saying there’s a back-up further underground. Mal makes it there, only to be stopped by The Operative. They fight, and Mal manages to immobilize The Operative but doesn’t kill him. The signal goes out, and Mal returns topside. He finds all of his crew wounded except for River who’s missing. A blast door opens to reveal the girl standing over many dead Reavers when the wall behind her crashes open and Alliance troops storm in. The Operative acknowledges defeat and orders them to stand down.

Serenity is cleaned and rebuilt, and as Mal prepares to leave, he gets a visit from The Operative who warns him that the Alliance Parliament may seek retribution for what he’s done, but The Operative’s part in all this is over.

Mal checks in with his crew, all of whom are staying – including Inara - and settles into the pilot seat himself. He looks over and sees River in the co-pilot’s chair, and together they take Serenity into the black…as another piece of the ship falls off.

Notes of Interest:

1) This is the first time Mal sees River in action.

2) It’s revealed here that Mal was born on September 20, 2468, was bound by law five times with no convictions, had the rank of Captain in the 57^th Brigade, signed up to fight voluntarily, and was awarded a Valor Commendation for the Battle of Serenity Valley.

3) Mal‘s advice to the security guard during the Reaver attack made the news, as it’s reported that everyone inside the vault survived.

4) According to Mal, it’s been eight months since Simon and River came aboard his ship – which means eight months passed between ‘Serenity’ and Serenity.

5) So - Mal doesn’t know the Mona Lisa, but read “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”?

6) Mal reveals that the recording they found on Miranda is twelve years old, meaning that’s how long Reavers have existed.

7) We learn Mal had a nerve cluster moved after it was damaged during his first tour.

8) Mal’s a faster draw than The Operative.

9) Mal attends the funeral for Mr. Universe, Derrial Book and Hoban Washburn.

WTF? Moment: Here’s a nit-pick. Remember in “Our Mrs. Reynolds”, when Saffron/Bridget/Yolanda sealed the bridge? The door she closed off was right where the bridge connects to the hallway/stairs. Here, when River seals herself in the bridge, the door is located back down the hallway before the stairs leading to the bridge. I think Mal made this change (along with other modifications throughout the ship) back when he had money during the “Better Days” storyline so he’d always have a way in.

WTF? Moment #2: It could be argued that one of the themes of this film is about Mal figuring out what he believes in. He’s been struggling with this ever since Serenity Valley, when his faith (in God, and fighting in the war) was lost. This is what Book’s been trying to rebuild in him – faith. Not necessarily in God, but in something. And when he finds Haven destroyed he realizes that what he believes in more than anything else is himself and his determination to do whatever it takes to continue. The details and circumstances change from day to day and job to job, but he believes in his need to continue – to live and fight another day.

As a side note, this is where his relationship with Inara gets interesting. He confesses to being confused around her, she fogs his compass. Why? His drive to continue disappears when she’s with him…because he no longer needs to continue. She (forgive the reference) completes Mal, and he knows it. 

I hear there's a Big Bang Theory game...

My wife told me it's available at Thinkgeek.com but it's already sold out.

How awesome is this?

So, about Peyton Manning...

...no longer a Colt eh?

Too f@#$!^& bad...

I know Indy had a lousy year, and fans there wanted the Pats to lose, so I hope they enjoyed themselves, because now they're going to cheer on their team against Peyton.

Wouldn't it just suck if he wound up taking over for Tom when he retires?

Just sayin'...

Malcolm Reynolds Part 22: Serenity: Those Left Behind #3 (September, 2005)

 Remember the name of the guy Mal shot in “Serenity”? Me either, but he sure remembers Mal....

I have this issue in the Serenity: Those Left Behind Trade Paperback.

Mal, Zoe and Jayne enter the room of the ship where the money is stashed, and instead of finding money they find Agent Dobson…the guy Mal shot in “Serenity”. Dobson’s there for revenge, because after Mal and Jayne dumped his body off Serenity the law saw him as dead. He decided not to correct the mistake, and has been itchin’ for payback.

Zoe makes a move, and Mal gets the draw on Dobson and shoots out his other eye. After the rest of Dobson’s men are dead, Mal shoots him one more time – just to be sure.

Mal contacts Wash to tell him the trio are heading back to Serenity, but it’s not where it’s supposed to be. Wash brings the ship back to them and they have to grab onto the side because another ship is on their tail. Once Mal and the others are inside, he tells Wash to “step on it” and they get away safely.

Serenity finally arrives on New Melbourne and everyone says their goodbyes. Back on the ship, Mal’s caught talking to himself by Book, who tells him the shepherd is also planning on leaving. Mal admits that he didn’t care about Book hitting him, but the preacher explains that if he doesn’t leave soon he wouldn’t care either.

Later on, Mal’s sitting in his room when Zoe calls down to him asking what course Wash should set.

Mal’s reply?

“The same as always. Forward.”

Notes of Interest:

1) Well, for one thing, Mal learns Dobson wasn’t dead.

WTF? Moment: Mal (sort of) says goodbye to Inara, learns Book is leaving, has very little money at the moment and no longer trusts Badger enough to ever take a job from him again. Yet he continues. This really says a lot about the guy. He never gives up.

WTF? Moment #2: We never learn what Mal says to Inara, only what he wanted to say to her. Makes me wonder if he said anything at all.

Ghost Rider 2, Deadpool 0

I was sitting on the toilet recently and figured out why GH2 didn't work as well as it should have:

The character didn't match the storyteller.

This dynamic worked wonders so far with Marvel Studios. Iron Man: John Favreau, Captain America: Joe Johnston, Thor: Kenneth Branagh. Even Louis Leterrier did a good job with Hulk. This is because Marvel knows their characters inside out, upside down and sideways. They know a good fit when they see it.

When Marvel sold film rights of some of their characters, the creative control over who directed what was out of their hands. Sure, they had some say in what went on, and they made money from the deals, but in the end all Marvel could do was watch from the sidelines.


Ghost Rider 2 was directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor - the guys behind both Crank films. Ghost Rider is also one of the characters Marvel does not currently own the film rights of.

Now, I love both Crank movies, and Neveldine/Taylor are very talented storytellers...but they were not the right storytellers for this character.

Ghost Rider deals with isues like Christianity, demons, demonic possessions, the Devil and religious ceremonies. Rather serious stuff. Putting their brand of humor into this mix made the character seem...immature.

In fact, most of Marvel's characters handled outside Marvel Studios were mismatched. Ang Lee's Hulk is a prime example of this. So was Tim Story's vision of the FF. (Bryan Singer's X-Men and Sam Raimi's Spider-Man were lucky hits, but it could have gone the other way *cough* see sequels *cough*)

Now what does this mean? Not that Marvel Studios is doing it right and everyone else is doing it wrong (although that argument could be made), just that Marvel Studios is doing it better.

It also means that despite the lackluster results of GH2, Neveldine/Taylor could still make a fantastic movie featuring a Marvel character - whether Marvel Studios does it or not.

They just have to find a character that shares their warped sense of violence and humor...whimsy and mayhem...chaos and jest...


DEAD and POOL...

By the way - Joss Whedon is a perfect fit for Avengers because he does a great job working with multiple lead characters *cough* Firefly/Serenity *cough* and his desire to present strong female leads could mean great things for Black Widow. PLUS: Marvel completely owns the Avengers, and hired Joss in the first place. Meaning that even if someone dies in the movie, Marvel has a plan...

In Marvel Studios I trust!

Malcolm Reynolds Part 21: Serenity: Those Left Behind #2 (August, 2005)

Mal and company revisit the past as another job comes their way.

I have this issue in the Serenity: Those Left Behind Trade Paperback.

The crew are at a station somewhere for fuel and supplies when Badger arrives and tells Mal and the others about the Battle of Sturges, a browncoats defeat during the war. He tells them that the battle took place over money…money that’s never been recovered.  He offers Mal the job of retrieving the money and even provides the exact coordinates of its location. Mal takes the job, and Inara sees it as yet another excuse for keeping her on board. Book speaks up and calls Mal on the value of his promise to her, and Mal fires back about his recent un-preacher-like actions. Book responds by punching Mal in the face.

They reach the Battle of Sturges and find the location of the money - a derelict vessel floating amongst hundreds of abandoned spacewrecks. Mal, Zoe and Jayne suit up and board it.

Notes of Interest:

1) Mal clearly doesn’t trust Badger by this point, which makes sense given their relationship throughout the series.

2) We learn that both Mal and Zoe fought at the Battle of Sturges.

3) Despite the battle’s reputation of being the bloodiest of the war, Mal calls it a distant second.

4) Mal is one tough hombre to take a shot like that from Book without missing a beat…even after he got up off the floor.

5) He also doesn’t seem the least surprised Book hit him.

6) Wash makes it clear that he knows Mal’s doing everything he can to keep Inara around.

WTF? Moment: What’s the deal with Mal and Book? Why are they on each other’s nerves?

WTF? Moment #2: Mal never says what the Battle of Sturges is second in bloodiness to, but my money’s on Serenity Valley.