I've been watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. since the beginning, and most episodes have left me in a mood. Mrs. Adorkification would ask what I didn't like about what we just watched, but I could never give a straight answer. I simply had no idea why this show (and to a lesser extent Agent Carter), constantly left me so frustrated.
Then I started thinking, and have come to acknowledge my problem:
I'm looking for something that's not being delivered.
Sure, the Mandarin switcheroo is still stinging my taste buds, but I was hoping that the worst part of Iron Man 3 was just a fluke. A misstep of Marvel Studios that they've since learned from. But no. They haven't. And I'm still being let down on a weekly basis, because I'm waiting for the show to give me what I've been seeking all along -
More of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
So now that I'm finally able to sit down and watch the Season 1 Blu-ray I bought last summer,
I'm getting frustrated all over again.
But that's okay, because now I can pause, reflect and rewind...and bitch - about every f**king thing that drives me crazy. So, these aren't going to be reviews like I've done with other shows.
These are going to be deeply emotional explanations as to why each episode has pissed me off, and what should have been done to make them better good.
You've been warned...
Episode 1 - "Pilot"
The Episode's Title
They've used some clever titles over the years, but why didn't they start with the first one? "Pilot" is such a stupid-a$$ generic cop-out of a title. Especially when they could have used the opportunity to set the tone of the show right off the bat while giving us a hint of things to come...
Episode 1 - "(Just) The Pilot"
May is referred to as "just the pilot" at least twice in the episode.
This episode shows us that she and Coulson have history, and something happened that resulted in her current desk job. She's clearly an important character. One the creators want us to keep an eye on, which we have, so why not drive home the point right away with the title? Plus, it tells us exactly what the show is - A "pilot" show - and we should give Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. some time before cementing an opinion.
Unlike "Pilot", which just lumps this show together with most other f**king shows.
Grant Ward
We get it, he's the tough Lone Wolf who's reluctantly brought onto a team despite having a troubled past, family issues and displaced loyalties. While Brett Dalton's done a good job with the character...
...the character should have been named Clay Quartermain.
Way back when, as the show's characters were revealed, not one recognizable name came from the books.
Well, yeah. There was Coulson...from the movies. But from the books? Nothing.
My first thought was they should have used Alexander Pierce.
But since we now know what Marvel Studios' had in store for him, I let it go.
Having 'Grant Ward' as 'Alan Quartermain' would have given us something we're all, in part, still looking for: Recognition.
Adding salt to this wound is the fact that they could have kept everything else about Ward Quartermain exactly the same. The troubled past, the family issues ('cause back when Peter David was writing The Incredible Hulk, Clay had a brother who was married and had children) and even the sudden but inevitable betrayal - only more so because I'd have actually cared about him from the beginning.
I care about May,
and Fitz,
even Simmons.
Not this f**kin' guy,
unless I tell myself he's really Clay. Which I do. To. this. day.
The Coffee Shop Scene
This bugs the hell out of me for several reasons. First of all, it features two characters that never should have been in the same episode. More on that later.
More importantly, there's all that scenery behind them.
There are license plates, flyers, things written in chalk. There's also the newspaper Michael was reading, the television playing in the background and even the name of the place written on the window next to their booth.
You'd think that someone would have seen that as ample opportunity to throw out some eggs, 'cause I sure as hell did:
...a Canadian plate that said "Home of the Wolverines".
...an ad in the paper with job openings at AIM. With a number to call.
...a television commercial for Hammer Industries.
...a sign that said "SHAWARMA".
...news footage of the rebuilt Puente Antiguo, New Mexico.
...the words "Welcome to Josie's Coffee Bar! Visit our sister bar in New York!" written on the window.
...A New York plate with a handicap sticker.
...a "Heroes of New York" coffee menu.
...anything - anything - with the word Roxxon on it.
...hell, even a license plate that read JSS IS BSS.
What did we get? A whole lotta nothin'. What. The. F**k.
Not only that, there's Skye's "With great responsibility..." comment.
That was just painful.
Was there a line in an earlier draft where Hill said "Ward's the best there is at what he does, and what he does...he does alone." and somewhere along the way it was decided that that was too cheesy to keep in?
OMFG...WHY?
Now, on to what I mentioned earlier about Michael and Skye.
Michael Peterson is an interesting character...especially considering what happens to him by season's end. He's also fundamental in introducing Centipede,
which carries the show (more or less) all season long.
The other season-long arc deals with Skye.
But why introduce both in the same episode?
Why not have Coulson's team focus on tracking Skye first? They find her, capture her and interrogate her (all while Michael goes on the run with Ace) and the episode ends with Skye's recruitment and her sharing what she knows about Centipede while they focus on finding Michael.
Or...
Have Coulson bring his team together and use their S.H.I.E.L.D. technology to track down Michael first. (Which would have worked, considering how much tech we saw in the first five minutes of the episode...and never saw again!) They find him at the coffee shop (with Ace in their custody for safety/leverage), and he takes Skye (who's with him) hostage. Then they have the conversation about being stepped on by giants and gods, and Ward Clay takes him down with the "night-night gun". The episode ends with Skye telling them what she knows about Centipede and everyone having doubts about Skye's possible recruitment...as they head off to the 0-8-4.
This show can be SO much better...
...if they could just get their heads out of their a$$es.
