WTF Logan? (WTF? Friday...3/17/2017)

Okay Joe, SPOILERS ahead.

So I finally saw Logan.

Well...

The Good:

That kid - Dafne Keen. Watch her. She's gonna be big. I mean it.

I don't know the character. Like AT ALL...except that she's a clone of Wolverine.

But I could watch Dafne play her all day long. She owns it. To me, she IS X-23.

This move deserved it.

The ending. It brought me to tears.

The Bad:

Now, before you get mad, hear me out:

My problem wasn't with Stewart's performance. He was captivating as always. My problem is with Charles Xavier. Seeing him delirious and feeble was almost too much to bear. 

Almost.

The WTF?:

These were the Reavers?

I ask because they were only mentioned by name once, and it went by pretty quick. Did any if them get names? I was looking for Bonebreaker or Pretty Boy. Hell, even Reese. But I couldn't make any of them out. And Donald Pierce? His name was where? On the card? Where's my pause button...

 I never saw X-Men: Apocalypse. 

So I have no idea how Logan factors in, if at all. But why would Xavier lose his s#!t and destroy the mansion? No flashback? No explanation? Just raspy prattling on and on about how sorry he was. And don't even bother naming anyone who was "destroyed" along with it. 

The other kids in the program.

WHO THE F**K ARE THEY??? I remember a member of the New Mutants/X-Force named Rictor, but the Rictor in the film doesn't have the same powers. As for the others, Laura rattles their names off so fast I could barely make them out. The names were written out on the back of the picture, but who the hell was who? Their powers were pretty cool though...

The ending. It brought me to tears. And not even a post-credit scene?

At least we learn where Logan stands within the Deadpool franchise - 

Since the film is seen in the Deadpool trailer AS a film, it is therefore outside Deadpool continuity. Just don't ask me about that "Old Man and the Sea" review at the end. 'Cause that just made NO sense whatsoever.

Have a good weekend Joe!

GoT Season 5! (WTF? Friday...9/2/2016)

Okay Joe, tighten your shorts, 'cause this one's gonna hurt,

So.

Season 5.

For the life of me, I've never understood why Charlie Brown kept going back to Lucy to hold the damn ball. Once? That makes sense. Twice? That's testing the waters as it were. An opportunity to prove the theory that the first time may have just been a bad day. Plus, the whole 'signed document' thing. After landing on his back the third time, he should have called it done and given the ball to someone else. Anyone else. My money would be on Peppermint Patty. She'd not only hold the ball, she'd offer advice on how to kick it further...and then prove it. With Chuck taking a turn holding the ball. (Hey girl...)

I know. I'm digressing.

My point is - by strike number 3, you're out.

By the end of Season 3 I should have known better, but I keep going back to this crap anyways. Dammit.

WARNING - HERE THERE BE SPOILERS

 She finally, FINALLY, starts fulfilling her oaths. Shame it took over three seasons...

 Oh. So he IS in love with Dany. But five seasons? Really?

 Dany's story was cool. I get the point that being a leader takes time, and bad decisions happen. Moving on.

 The first (fine, second) time she's claimed rightful justice, and she gets punished? By blindness? The hell?

 And where the f**k was he?

Speaking of f**kers...could you add some 'corruption of religion' into this thing? 'Cause I'm not sure I fully understand the point you're trying to make here.

Thank you.

Anyhoo...

 This guy was a mess. A victim of blind faith. 

Picard said it best: "There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders." Funny thing - he stood up to the Red Bitch before...

...just not this time. 'Cause, why should he.

But when this guy learns the truth, OOOOOOOOOOOH S#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!T!

Going back to Dany's education, I'd watch Tyrion work with her until I died. I loved every scene they were in together.

Why is she still breathing? Is it so Arya can (eventually. I'm guessing Season Eleven?) cut her heart out with a spoon? Apparently so. And she'd be doing it blind...which might actually be worth sticking around for.

That story wasn't bad. He's accepting who he is, what he is, and his place in the world. I liked seeing Bronn again too.

That scene wasn't nearly as graphic as I expected, and the people of the North may remember, but could they remember to STFU? Nope.

I get his situation. And BRAVO for actually doing something...

...'cause that bitch had to go. In fact, that was the first time I cheered the entire f**king season.

F**K you kid. F**K you hard.

Yeah. I know the wildlings killed your parents. Your entire village. I get the beef you have with them. WITH THEM!!! Why didn't you go off and stab someone who truly deserved it, instead of blindly following moronic idiots in search of something actually useful to do?

This made me want to throw my remote into the television and heave the whole thing out the f**king window.

You know what's weird? I knew going into this that Jon is alive in Season 6. He's resurrected by the Red Bitch (in a nod to Arya's Tom Bombadil-like scene with the Brotherhood from Season Three). Didn't matter. I was furious anyway. Mrs. Adorkification wound up getting furious at me, but that goes along with how we each appreciate storytelling. 

As a kid, I always loved stories with happy endings. The guy gets the girl. The villain is gone. The quest is complete. As a grown-up, I understand how boring that can be. I get that "good" stories now have to end with lessons learned, changes confronted and prices paid. These are the tales my wife truly enjoys.

The difference is -  while she enjoys how the stories develop over time, I need to know how it ends first.

I can't just get wrapped up in a good story. Not anymore. I'm not talking about mystery novels where there's always a solution and an explanation for the crime, or episodes of Sherlock. Those have yet to frustrate me when I'm done. I mean stories like Game of Thrones, Stranger Things, Doctor Who and Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. I need to know how they end in order to justify watching them. If I like how it ends, or the ending piques my curiosity, then I'm interested in watching the tale unfold. In witnessing the journey from there to here. Otherwise, I'm piqued by Google's second definition of the word (and I'm looking squarely at YOU Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.).

I'm exhausted now. Time for either decaf or a nap. Probably both.

MCU Character Review: Red Skull - Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

My knowledge of the Johann Schmidt Red Skull (created by Joe Simon, France Herron and Jack Kirby) is disgustingly limited. 

I know, I know, but you gotta understand - 

I didn't truly start collecting comics until the eighties. By the time my collecting got into full swing, Red Skull kept showing up as either a copycat, clone or "intelligence-transferred" android. As a result, I knew of the character, but I hadn't read many of his early appearances. But I was lucky...

...#296 was my first Captain America comic.

Schmidt (or is it 'Shmidt' now?) was there, albeit in shadow, and went on about his lifelong hatred and admiration of a man who - despite being aged through potions and poisons - "refuses to acknowledge defeat, even when it is tattooed upon his own flesh". Speaking of flesh,

it wasn't until #297 that I got to see Schmidt's face.

His real face, when he was close to the end of his days...the first time around.

Then came #298.

It was an (arguably the) origin story. It may have been a re-telling of an earlier one, but it was his story, told to Cap, by Schmidt himself. It referenced previous events mentioned in Tales of Suspense, included his meeting Hitler while a hotel bellhop and glossed over his earlier encounters with Captain America. 

Which matches up with his OHOTMU entry.

The issue ended with Schmidt gearing up for a final battle with his long-time nemesis...

...two issues later.

Meanwhile,

#299 had Schmidt reveal to Steve that the poisons that had aged him were also killing him. Schmidt even blew up his own mansion (with Steve's friends - and Schmidt's daughter - inside) just to egg Steve into one last fight. Which they did.

To. The. Death. Steve survived (natch) but Schmidt actually died. 

No. Really. Wanna know how I know?

Because OHOTMUDE said so.

To this day I have yet to read any of the "Cosmic Cube" stuff,

 but I got his first appearance (and not that Maxon phony's),

for twenty bucks.

Summing up my knowledge of Johann Schmidt, he...

• was born to a peasant couple in Germany. His mother died in childbirth, and his father was abusive and would have killed his infant son if the visiting doctor hadn't saved him.
• grew up an orphan...until he ran away, and learned everything about life while sneaking, stealing and hiding.
• discovered he loved killing people after his first murder - a young, kind woman Schmidt forced himself on.
• became a bellhop...somehow...and met Hitler - who took Schmidt under his personal tutelage to become "the perfect soldier".
• stormed Europe, killed lots of people and decided he should rule instead of Hitler.
• was eventually stopped by Cap.
• went into suspended animation.
• got better.
• became a HYDRA leader.
• caused more death and destruction.
• got a Cosmic Cube.
• lost it.
• had a daughter in there somewhere.
• set up this "death-match" with Captain America.
• died.

So, how'd Marvel Studios do?

1) Casting

HUGO! F**KING! WEAVING!

Who else could have played Red Skull? I admit that my knowledge of talented actors capable of portraying such an iconic character is as limited as my knowledge of the character himself, but if you told me back in 1994 that the guy from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert would one day play Johann Schmidt, I'd have smacked you. Hard. 

But he knocked it out of the park.

(sorry...)

I haven't been able to find out, but I'd love to know how they got him to do it, especially with his apprehension of returning to the role. I guess in a way I can understand it: he's been Agent Smith, Elrond and Megatron by this point. Having to commit to yet another returning character may have simply been too much. (But he did return for Happy Feet 2. Huh.) 

His work on this film earned him nominations for "Best Villain" at the 2011 Scream Awards, and "Choice Movie: Fight" along with Chris Evans at the 2012 Teen Choice Awards.

2) Wardrobe

While Ryan Meinerding did preliminary concept art, the final design was created by Charlie Wen, who was the Visual Development Supervisor for this film.

Tell me that's not badass.

Wen also referenced authentic Nazi uniforms to give the outfit enough gravitas while having it's own HYDRA look.

Anna B. Sheppard was the costume designer for the entire cast, and used Schmidt's original Nazi uniform (from the beginning of the film) as the basis for Red Skull's final look.

Again - tell me that's not badass.

Not surprisingly, Sheppard earned a 2012 Saturn Award nomination for "Best Costumes".

3) Script

Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely co-wrote the screenplay. You may have heard of these guys - they wrote both Captain America sequels AND are writing both parts of Infinity War - so they know their stuff, and they knew Red Skull...to a point.

• Schmidt worked for, and eventually separated from, Hitler's Third Reich. He became disillusioned of Hitler's leadership and saw himself as the rightful ruler of the world after winning the war, to the point of adding Berlin to his map.
• He also used HYDRA as a mean to this end...but they never stated in the film that he actually created HYDRA, which was clever.
• The Cosmic Cube (despite being replaced by the Tesseract and containing the Space Gem Stone) was used by Schmidt to aid in his plan to take over the world. 

But this Red Skull was also significantly different from my Red Skull.

• Schmidt never struck me as a religious person in the books. To my knowledge, he never believed in gods - Asgardian or otherwise. 
• We're never told of Schmidt's life prior to joining HYDRA, but I guess that's a good thing? Since we haven't been told what Movie Schmidt's childhood was like, we can't compare/contrast it to Comic Schmidt's childhood. And since we don't know that...
• ...we have no idea how he was recruited in the first place. But seeing a young Schmidt as a hotel bellhop on screen would have been cool.
• As for the 'suspended animation and got better' part of it, my belief is that all of the Tesseract's destructive power (derived from the Space Gem Stone remember) is based on some form of transportation/teleportation. Every thing and every one hit by that stuff just went somewhere else in an explosive manner. Therefore, Schmidt (along with all the soldiers and buildings and equipment and stuff) are stuck elsewhere until they're most likely found by the Guardians of the Galaxy in GotG Vol. 2...or 3.
• I also liked the idea of Comic Schmidt having a child, and a daughter to boot. One thing DC does way better than Marvel is the continuation of a character's legacy through the use of a different character (such as Starman, Green Lantern and even Batman). I get why Markus and McFeely (man what an unfortunate name...) didn't bring that up in this film, but it would have been nice to see Schmidt's offspring further down the line (*cough* Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. *cough*).

In any event, Markus and McFeely (along with director Joe Johnston) rightfully earned a 2012 Hugo Award nomination for "Best Dramatic Presentation - Long Form", as well as a 2012 Bradbury Award nomination.

4) Special Effects

There are rumors around the interwebs saying that the makeup is the main reason behind Weaving's decision not to reprise the role. I don't buy it. 

Granted, aside from the bottom row of fake teeth, it took about 3 and-a-half to 4 hours to put on. But that's nowhere near the amount of time it took (takes) Rebecca Romijn and Jennifer Lawrence. Plus he got to sit in a chair while they worked on his face (as opposed to his entire body). My point is that while uncomfortable, the process wasn't unbelievably so. Moving on...

The prosthetics were designed by David White and sculpted by Shaune Harrison. 

It consisted of 7 interlocking pieces made of silicon (as opposed to the more often used foam-latex) which made a huge difference. It gave the face a luminosity that foam-latex lacks, which added to the "supernaturally scientific" look. Also, the silicon was able to be wafer-thin in places (which Weaving really liked), allowing him to emote more that he otherwise could in foam-latex.

Which is another reason why I call bulls#!t on the rumors.

As for the look, it does seem like a cross between...

...and...

 ...but - you gotta understand:

This is Red Skull. 

He has a red skull.

Well okay, it was a mask in the beginning,

 

but it was an iconic mask. 

And there's no way Weaving (or anyone else for that matter) could have acted nearly as well under an actual mask. So I didn't mind. But Marvel Studios didn't stop at the makeup.

They used CGI to enhance it.

Christopher Townsend was the Visual Effects Supervisor and oversaw the effects of removing Weaving's actual nose, smoothing out his neck and thinning his face. 

Giving us the "final" look.

Townsend's efforts here (along with the work on "Skinny Steve") resulted in a nomination for "Best Special Effects" at the 2012 Saturn Awards, which he shared with Visual Effects Producer Mark G. Soper and Special Effects Supervisor Paul Corbould.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a comic book character respectfully brought to the screen. It takes a lot of hard work from a lot of people, but when done well,

it's done really, really, really well.