Fathers-In-Law...

 Joe...

 Pepe...

Rich and Rob...

...I brought you all here to talk about my Father-In-Law, who passed away September 14th, 2016. I'm not sure you know this, but fathers-in-law (which the correct pluralization - 'cause I looked it up) can be pretty intimidating.

Especially when you're dating his youngest daughter.

However, being the youngest daughter meant that Mrs. Adorkification had two key advantages over her two older sisters: she learned from their mistakes and her father had already gone through the whole 'daughter dating' thing.

    Now...I'm a bit of a nerd. 

Even more so when I was 17 and a college freshman. I grew up in an upper middle class family of four in Woodbury, Connecticut...after previously living in Danbury, CT and Ridgewood, NJ (where I was born). 

My father-in-law was born in Biddeford, Maine. He grew up in Biddeford, Maine. He raised four kids in Biddeford, Maine working at the Biddeford Textile Mills, and his funeral service was at the same church he was married at 55 years ago.

You wouldn't think that these two different people would get along, but we did. Might have been the sense of hunmor

As Mrs. Adorkification and I were dating, she told bout her sister's boyfriends...and the things her father did to them. Early on, he would take them out hunting. As time passed, he merely showed them his extensive (and I mean extensive) gun collection. So when it was my turn to make 'the visit', I felt as prepared as I could have been. I remember sitting in their kitchen eating a sandwich when her father came up from his workshop in the basement. He walked in, I $#!t you not,

 holding a f**king machette.

RIGHT?

So I'm sitting there, sandwich in hand, with the father of the young woman I'm...err...having relations with...looking at me with a giant knife in his hand. And he's not saying a word. I looked at the knife, I looked at him, I looked back at the knife, I looked back at him and I said: "Nice knife," as non-intimidated as I could muster. He reached out, opened a drawer, took out a sharpening stone and said "It's a little rusty, but I like to keep it nice and sharp." as he started sharpening it. The he put the stone back in the drawer, turned around and went back downstairs.

Sweetie, you never told me about the knife.

Early on in my relationship with him, outside of that exchange we didn't talk very much, until the night of The Sleepover.

Whenever I visited my wife's family, I took the bus up. Which meant I had to stay at their house. Both her parents were gracious hosts, but they had rules. Most notably, I slept downstairs and she slept upstairs. 

(And if you think I would EVER cross that line...)

But there was one weekend where I came up and met two of her high school friends who were also a couple. The four of us went out for pizza or something and ended up crashing back at her house on the living room floor. 

At some point in the night, her father came downstairs to use the bathroom. She and I were completely dressed, but we were spooning. With my left arm around her waist. I'm a light sleeper, so I was awake when I heard him stop to look at us. My eyes were closed, but I could feel his eyes on me and I was smart enough not to move. After an eternity of silence, he turned and went on to the bathroom. That was when I took a breath. He came out, went back upstairs and I fell back asleep.

From that point on, we got along great. Because he knew I would take care of his little girl. 

Every time I visited, he taught me something; how to take care of pigeons, tar a roof or build things. In fact, a few years ago the front steps of our house needed fixing. He came up with his power tools, quick dry cement and some 2x4 (while my mother-in-law kept my wife busy) and we built brand new steps. Together. And they're still solid as a rock.

After his daughter and I got married, he gave me the second best gift he ever could:

(And yes Adorkette, it's a little rusty, but it's STILL nice and sharp.)

He never judged me on my upbringing, and I never judged him on his. He never made me feel less because I didn't know something, and I never hesitated to help when he needed it (like setting up WiFi or surround sound). We had something you don't see very often between in-laws: mutual respect.

I couldn't have asked for a better father-in-law.

It's been rough these past few weeks, and the next three months aren't going to get any easier (this is the year we spend Thanksgiving with her family instead of mine), but we'll work our way through it. 

And wherever he is, when he looks down on me he won't have to worry. I'll always take care of his little girl.